Måndagsfjanterier

”In a closed society where everybody’s guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.” Hunter S. Thompson

Semestern är slut och det är dags att hitta tillbaka till Internet igen. Vanligtvis brukar jag läsa ”Nothing To Do With Arbroath”, som i princip är en (nästan) verifierbar version av ”En Ding Ding Värld”, dvs. idiotiska, bisarra eller bara väldigt ovanliga nyheter och polisrapporter från hela världen (eller ja, mestadels den anglosaxiska världen). Rubrikerna är förstås det mest fantasieggande, men ofta bjuder även artiklarna på underhållande detaljer.

Under April månad bjöds vi på följande guldkorn:

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Texas trooper ordered to undergo counselling after posing for photo with Snoop Dogg

Woman charged with murder after saying dog shot her boyfriend

Man arrested after naked cricket bat-swinging toy shop rampage

Disorderly goat detained by police after headbutting door

Teenager killed after being hit by brick thrown by monkey

Woman says she hit husband on the head with hammer to protect cats

Man pepper sprayed after stabbing his girlfriend in the buttocks with pitchfork

Goat not ghost responsible for turning lights on at college

Police unimpressed by drunk man who ate glass beer bottle before going for a lie down

Woman poured barbecue sauce on her husband before chasing after him with knives

Smell of bacon led police to pork thieves

Woman allegedly attacked husband with knife because of the terrible smell he left in toilet

Mother-in-law hit by bullet that killed armadillo

Woman who hit man on head with baseball bat says she didn’t want to to be his girlfriend

Woman apologises for squirting police officer with breast milk

Man who refused to leave hospital after being denied an enema arrested

Earthworms rain from the sky over Norway

Naked man claiming to be God and Thor had sex with tree before attacking police officer

Men stabbed each other with broken beer bottles during debate about which is best phone

Vigilance urged after naked grunting bald man seen aggressively masturbating at bus stop

Woman threatened ex-partner after learning he’d slept with prostitute who was her son’s girlfriend

Man arrested after allegedly assaulting wife with dangerous waffle

Three people arrested for possession of meth, heroin, ginseng and a squirrel

Burglar tried to make getaway on wheelchair he had stolen from victim

Devout Christian horrified after being assigned ‘satanic’ 666 car licence plate

’Moronic’ man badly burned while trying to steal live 11,000 volt electrical cable faces jail

Possibly drunken sailor broke both legs after jumping eight floors into hotel swimming pool

Man who stabbed colleague with steak knife in onion ring row spared jail

Ungrateful goose pooed in policeman’s pocket

Man traumatised after part of nipple bitten off by zebra

Knife-wielding naked woman chased boyfriend through neighbourhood in dispute over money

Man allegedly high on meth surfed on stranger’s car

Woman accused of flashing at lawn mowers

Woman crashed stolen school bus into police car before trying to swim to Canada